Is This a Joke?
by CasTheWarbler
Summary: its time for Kurt to open presents for his birthday. He notices these presents are a little...different? bad summary but i guess an okay story. rated M for some language and mention of sex toys. Review please


**I couldnt sleep and i wrote 3 stories on my phone, that got deleted. I got so pissed because i dont really remeber what they were about, so i couldnt rewrite them. Since i cant sleep, im going to write a random short story with 'toys'. If you think buying sex toys as a joke is not funny or offensive, then dont read this. I already had one complaint with my story, "stepped on a gay nerve." Im sorry that it sounded homophobic or whatever. Hope this story isnt so bad to you guys...**

**I dont own Glee, Ryan Murphy is the creator.**

I looked around my room, watching everyone in the New Directions talk to Wes and David. I was happy everyone was getting along.

"Everybody! Quiet down, time for the birthday boy to open his presents." I looked up at Blaine who stood behind me and all i could do is smile up at the man i love. He sat down next to me on the ground, as well as everyone else form a circle with the presents all in the middle.

Yes, it was my birthday today. I turned 18 and was hoping it will be a good year for me. I smiled at everyone and looked at the huge pile of presents. "Which one should i open first?" I looked at the pile of nicely, wrapped boxes and picked the one that has purple and black stripes with a huge gold bow sitting on top. I pulled it onto my lap and looked at the group of people, seeing who might of gotten me this gift.

"That one is from me Boo. I hope you find it enjoyable." Everyone snickered when Mercedes said that. I was confused, but when i looked at the box it wasnt so big. It was probably smaller then my head, but im not going to measure it next to my head. That is just plain weird. I slowly undid the bow and ripped the wrapping off, finding a box with a picture of a penis on it.

My face turned the shade of a deep deep burgendy red. Blaine leaned over and laughed alittle at the present. " All American Whopper. Ohh its even a suction cup." Blaine poked at the box laughed along with the rest of the group. I set down the box right next to me lookin at Mercedes weirdly. "Thank you?..."

I looked at the pile once again and picked up the small box that had the Dalton wrapping paper all over it. It was no bigger then my hand so it shouldnt be that bad. I examined it and looked at Wes and David. They both smiled and David spoke up. "Its from both of us Kurt. We hope it is in good use for you." The whole group coughed and tried to hide their little snickers and snorting. They really didn't do so well at that.

I ripped off the wrapping paper and found a small plain box. I flipped the lid open and didn't really know what i was lookin at. I lifted up the 2 rubber rings and looked at them. "What are these?" David snickered and looked at me with a huge grin. "They are cock rings. You put them on your dick while fucking. Its suppose to make it better."

Wes raised his gavel and pointed it at the blue ring in my hand. " That one has 5 speeds and the pink one has one." I looked at him and back at the rings. "Why are they not in packages?" Blaine pointed that out and looked at the two warblers who just blushed and looked away from everyone. I dropped them back in the box with a disgusted look on my face. "Ew!" I kicked the box far away from me as possible.

I continued on with the presents.

Quinn got me 3 boxes of fire and ice condoms. I thanked her, but i have no clue why she bought me condoms. I wasnt having sex with Blaine quiet yet. Rachel got me a pink didlo with golden stars all over it. This didn't seem like something i would use. More like Rachel's kind of tool. Yes i have fingered myself and had a fair share of things up my ass, but i dont think i would need a very decorated dildo.

Tina and Mike both bought me 2 bottles of lube. One bottle was blueberry flavor while the other was strawberry kiwi. So far i find these presents alittle...odd. I usually would get mabe some money, or clothes i would never be caught dead in but thank the people anyways. So far, i noticed a pattern. All im getting is things for sex. Why the hell did everyone buy me sex shit?

The rest of the presents were just lube and condoms. There were two left. One huge box and one other box less then half its size. I picked up the smaller one and looked at Finn. He smiled at me sweetly and i frowned. What did he get me? I shook the box and heard alittle rattling but not much. I opened the box and pulled out what seems to be a pump. Everyone in the circles laughs once again and i began to scream. " FINN WHY DID YOU GET ME A FUCKING PUMP?" I shook the thing around but i felt Blaines hand grab my wrist and put it down on my lap, he leaned next to my ear and whispered loud enough for everyone to hear. " Its not like you need it anyway.." He licked the lobe of my hear and i flinched, beating him with the pump. " DONT EVEN START BLAINE!" He fell over to his side laughing hard. I gave up beating him with the pump and set it aside with all the other sex gifts.

One gift was left and it is from Puck. I slowly dragged the biggest box that was brought here infront of me and sighed, resting my head on it. " Do i even want to open this one up? There might just be a damn naked guy in there ready to jump out and fuck me." Blaine pulled my body up against his and growled in my ear. " I will kill him if he got you that." I blushed intensly. When did he get behind me.

I ingored that thought and slipped the wrapping off and found a huge box with a naked women on it and her legs were spread open. She looks like she is being hung by something. Straps were attached to her legs and arms. "Uh...Puck what did u get me?" He sat up proudly and smiled. "Its a sex swing so you and Blaine can get kinky. You just hang this from your door and strap yourself to it so you guys can have awesome gay sex!" Finn high fived him and Kurt glared at Finn. " YOUR OKAY WITH BLAINE AND I HAVING KINKY SEX? Not that we are having any.." I looked away from everybody and just heard Finn laugh alittle. I turned my head to Blaine and frowned at him. " I didnt get anything from you?" He kissed my cheek and from the corner of my eye i saw a small little box. I smirked and give him a quick kiss on the lips and turned my head to see the box in full view.

I took it into my hands and flipped it around a little and looked at everyone. They all looked anxious so i opened the small box. There was a key in it and i was alittle confused. I felt Blaines breathe ghost over my ear. I shivered, hearing his voice like that gives me chills. "Its for when your ready to have me up your tight ass pounding you so hard you'll be screaming da-"

I shoved him away from my ear and everyone laughed when he tipped over. I rubbed the bridge of my nose and groaned. " Is this." I guestured to all the adult items on the floor next to me. " All a joke or something?" I threw the key across the room and stood up from the ground. Everyone looked up at me and smiled. Mercedes stood up and walked over to me, giving me a warm hug. " Kurt, we did all this to hint that we are here to support you having your first time."

Puck raised his hand and pressed it against his chest, like he is saying things from the heart. " I just bought you the sex swing because i heard gay people love kinky sex." I threw my head back and growled. Sometimes, Puck is hard to deal with.

The front door opened and Burt walked in with a normal size box in his arms. He tredged towards the livingroom and entered the room with a big smile. "Hey Birthday boy and...friends..?" He looks at the pile of sex tools on the guard. He dropped the present on the ground. I guess it was something fragile because i heard the gift shatter inside. He glared at everyone in the room and pointed at the pile, screaming. " WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THIS?"

I moved away from Mercedes and covered my mouth with my hands. This is the worst birthday ever. I closed my eyes and almost dared to smack Finn and Blaine who were giggling behind me. "Shit..."

**Sorry i ended it shortly and not really explaining whats happening. I was preoccupied with my new baby kittens! my cat gave birth to 2 very adorable kitties named clueless and Minime. thats why i sort of ended this early, but i also wanted to post something..so i hope you liked it. Reviews to me is like crack to an addict 8D**


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